I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. - Ephesians 3:16-19
I used to struggle in the past to truly comprehend how much God loves me and I found it impossible to measure. I knew from the Bible that He loved me first, and demonstrated His love for me when He sent His Son Jesus to die for my sins and allow me to be born again, making a way for me to have an intimate relationship with Him. How overwhelming that sounded to me! I remember, fondly, the love I received from my mother and father and could not imagine anyone loving me more.
Then, at the age of 25, I lost my birth father, and it crushed my world. I thought, “How can I live without him?" So, I latched onto my mother not realizing that I was placing my parents as idols ahead of God. And yet, He was so patient and loving with me. I can honestly say that I did not fully realize the magnitude of God’s love until I was about to lose my mother 17 years after losing my father. She was my best friend and spiritual mentor and was now under hospice care in my home. Her father (my grandpa) was a Baptist preacher, so she was raised to love the Lord. She always demonstrated the strongest faith and love for everyone. I recall agonizing every day the thought that she would pass away, and I prayed for a miracle. I did not want to face losing her.
The time I spent with her, that last year of her life, were some of the most intimate, real, and raw moments I had ever experienced. I had to accept that she was going to die, and so I prayed to God for proof of heaven. I had read about heaven in the Bible, but I just wanted validation that she was going to a better place - she was so special and meant the world to me. So, a few days later I had to travel overnight to Texas for a quick meeting and she promised that she would not pass before I returned from the overnight trip. She begged me to go so I packed and ran to a store on the way to the airport and on an aisle display was a book called “90 Minutes in Heaven.” I picked it up and read the back of the book where it mentioned it was written by a pastor, so I decided to purchase it and read it on the plane to keep my mind busy from worrying. I thought, “surely, what are the chances that this book will convince me?" I read the book on the flight...and cried and cried. Spoiler alert - the pastor reveals how he was in a horrific accident, pronounced dead, came back to life, and basically experienced some specific things, visiting heaven before his return to earth.
I returned home and my brother was also there visiting us. I never told my mother about the book; I just kept it to myself. My mother started to experience many of the things the pastor mentioned in the book, and it blew my mind. One specific example was that she was hearing the most beautiful music she had ever heard and asked my brother and I if we were hearing the music. Keep in mind, the television was not on, nor radio. The room was quiet and still, yet she was hearing beautiful music. I was not losing my mind because my brother was there to witness it too.
I journaled many things that enfolded during that time, because I wanted to remember how God knew that I was so broken and needed to experience His love. He demonstrated to me that while I was losing my parents, He would always be there with me, and I would never be alone. His love for me was so overwhelming that I could not measure it. I felt grief, yet I felt convinced that there was a heaven because God knew exactly how to speak to my heart.
Love to me is an action word so I try to live my life showing God how much I love Him! I pray that you get to know God’s love by spending time with Him. He is waiting patiently for all his children to come running back to his open arms.
Love you,
Amy
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